When I Don’t Want to Forgive

Nothing-doing.  No way, no-how.

I admit, those were often my go-to words when I needed to forgive.  I know the process should be as easy and quick as 1-2-3, but there were times when I couldn’t even get to zero.

Maybe someone comes to mind for you when it comes to needing to forgive, and the discomfort or pain is as deep as days gone by. Have you struggled with the ease of forgiving in a quick and easy 1-2-3 step? Maybe, like me, you are someone counting to 100 in order to get there….only to arrive at a snail’s pace counting by single digits.

No matter, the act of forgiving can be tough, sometimes coupled with lingering anger that can surprise us when hurt has occurred in our seemingly  safe, Christian, trustworthy circles or bubbles where falling-outs (ideally) shouldn’t go unresolved longer than a Supreme court ruling would allow. We can be challenged in  “manning up” to initiate forgiveness and seek resolution–once our nerves stop rattling from being the one having to do so.

Perhaps you’re holding onto bitterness that resulted from an unresolved exchange, dialogue or circumstance that erupted into a parting of ways or break in connection.  “Now what?” you’re asking. Maybe you’ve already reached out and took the stand to be the “bigger person” or are hoping the other person will be the one to stand tall and initiate contact or an apology. On the other hand, maybe you’ve parked yourself in anger and resentment with no plans of pulling out from that space.

To be honest, for me, staying steamed felt better than cooling off.  With one person in particular, I felt justified in remaining mad. Afterall, I was wronged, and even when I tried to bring about resolution, I was met with disinterest. Why continue to make amends when that person won’t even take ownership let alone be willing to connect to discuss the matter so resolution can happen?  What’s the good in that?

Jesus.

Jesus is the GOOD in THAT.

As a result of that goodness, I’m not paying the price for my mishaps and mistakes nor having to suffer judgment (not necessarily consequences but judgment) I deserve today, the rest of my earthly days, and days thereafter–all because of that GOOD Jesus did by dying on the cross.

That’s THE way Jesus chose.

He didn’t choose anger, He chose forgiveness toward those who sinned against him.  “And Jesus said: ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ ” (Luke 23:34) HIS way of responding to a battle is opposite from our natural tendency to either pull back or rage ahead. Jesus released and continues to release all trespasses committed against him and all the offenses we commit against Him and one another. That right action makes my inaction, willful, weak and wrong in comparison. Once I understood that, I had to make different choices around my not-so-forgiving attitude.

A forgiven sinner forgives others–a truth we hear in our Christian circles that can convict us to the core  because we’re on the hook in having to forgive, and that’s not always easy when we have been wronged or deeply hurt. It can be tough, yet, in order to experience full freedom and model Christ-centered behavior as moms and women, we have to give out out of obedience what we have accepted in gratitude.

Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness.

Jesus gave it to us as quickly as 1-2-3.  Shouldn’t I?

I have to tell myself that kinder feelings about the person with whom I am angry at, will  have to catch up (or not) as I step out into obedience to forgive and give hurt an opportunity to drown rather than stay afloat.  If I wait until I am in the mood to forgive or for my feelings to shift from anger to love before I act, then I am following myself, not the LORD. Truth is, I may be waiting for a long time. I can take the step to forgive, and Jesus can then help to get my feelings or perspective in order and change my outlook and heart, all of which are really secondary to the forgiving piece anyway.

“Jesus already forgave –why must I?” asks that immature child in my spirit.

For starters, we forgive because He forgave us. He’s our model because He is supreme, creator, God. We forgive so we can  live and benefit from the affects of forgiveness and be released from the power  that anger and resentment hold in our entire being which then trickles into our relationships. Bitterness breeds bitterness and that will be our fate when we keep it alive. I see how the effects can grow and cause more pain, and subsequently, create reactions that call for more forgiveness! It can be an endless cycle. Jesus loves us so much that He wants us to be free from those painful effects that keep us trapped and spinning in the same volatile direction.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live  at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)

We forgive to eliminate having divisiveness in our relationships. Jesus died to deliver peace. If I am following my Lord and Savior, how can I act any differently? I am His child and that means irritation and anger really can’t take up permanent residence or I’d be a hypocrite. Letting the anger go, doesn’t mean it’s easy. THAT part, God has to help me with and that’s okay. He’s up for the job of healing my hurts and helping us grind out that hard, internal stuff that we struggle against.  The process might be lifelong, but I think as long as we are leaning on Him, we’ll get there under His guidance with a work being done that only He can accomplish.

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12)

God will deal with all people accordingly and hold each person accountable for their actions.  Let’s leave the judgment of peoples’ hurtful actions to God and the choice to move forward in forgiveness to us. God will equip and enable us to overcome the sorrow of hurt actions when we invite Him into our emotional mess that He can clean up and restore to a right and beautiful condition.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you…” (Acts 1:8)

We receive the power to forgive others through Jesus and only Jesus. His power to do so is readily available when we call upon Him to depend on His strength to do that particular work. If it takes me till 100, that’s on me, as it probably means I am going through the process in my own strength, rather than His.

Thankfully, His forgiveness timeline is as short and sweet as 1-2-3.

Who might God be calling you to forgive this week?  With the Lord’s help, can you make the process be as quick as 1-2-3 and depend on Him in the process of moving through the process of forgiving?

 

 

Focus High

Have-tos. Unresolved matters. The to-do list. Our children’s cares. Unfinished work. Interruptions. Lots going on that can feel like a brick has been put upon our spirits.

When your heart is heavy, keep plugging away at your prayer lives, moms. Keep talking to God, keep focused on Him, all the way.

When disappointment and frustration come on the scene, it is so easy for our eyes to stare at what’s before us and remain fixated on the problem…and as moms, we have a lot of concerns, questions, decisions, pulls and tugs—fix your eyes up above, pray and know that God will see you through the situation even better when your eyes are set on Him. For it is in that focus, dependence and trust where you will receive the strength, wisdom and encouragement you need instead of the discouragement and worry that comes from focusing on the parts of our problems.

Get on your knees.

Pray.

Talk to God.

He has a plan.

And it doesn’t include worry, fear or anxiety but peace, dependence and trust in Him.

If our circumstances create that greater dependence and submission, let’s thank Him. That’s a good thing because it is in those empty places of our soul where He fills us and where we experience His hand at work.

Real work.

True work.

Perfect work.

When you seek Him, the things above, you’ll experience His mighty power that will put those doubts and fears into a smaller place—where they belong, Mom.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Col 3:2

focus

Is There An Unopened Gift Under that Tree?

It’s a day of wrapping paper scraps strewn about, noise, laughter, music in the background, nibbling on sugar-filled treats throughout the day, being with with family and friends. It’s a day of appreciation, a day of gathering around the colorful, sparkling pine to receive something new, watching those around you with anticipation and hope, open what you gave them while you do the same…it’s Christmas right?

Growing up without the belief in Jesus, Christmas was just another day off…it didn’t hold any particular meaning other than being part of school break. But now, it’s so much more than a day off for me. It’s really a day to remember my gift…a gift that was given to me and a gift that is given to us all.

But gifts are funny things.

They really aren’t gifts unless they are received, accepted and used.

I hope today, that whatever gifts you open, you wear them, read them, eat them, use them fully. Enjoy them.

I also hope that the gift of Yeshua, Jesus, God, is part of your opening and receiving. For some of us, He has been, but we just haven’t allowed ourselves to take in that truth and live out that submission, dependence and trust in Him the way we may truly benefit. We are still operating in a, “I am in control” mindset and find it too challenging to surrender all parts of our lives over to Him. None of us are perfect, we are in process of learning what that looks like. Some of you are searching….

For truth.

For meaning.

For answers. 

For something or someone to believe in. 

You may look to the universe, you may look to crossing your fingers or positive energy that can be given out or received, and though Jesus may seem like a nice guy, believing in Him comes with a cost or He’s just not someone that resonates with you. I know. Been there for most of my life, felt that, lived that. I get that.

For others, we look to Him daily and know where we are going and the meaning our earthly lives have because of who He is. We know that He is God and that we are not, and we celebrate that truth and what He did for us. He died for us. He then overcame death so that we could have freedom which also proved His power and Godship.

For now and for always.

What did He do for us again?

Freed us from the personal consequences of our mistakes that we make pretty much daily, by suffering for us as well as suffering for the pain and hurt that life brings. Pretty sacrificial, isn’t it? But when you love, you sacrifice. You would do what He did for your children at any cost without even thinking. You get it, too.

So today, whatever gifts you open or however you live out this day, I hope it’s a great day for you. May you be blessed with the gift you have in the Lord, His love for you and desire to see you use what He has to offer by opening His gift to you and using it. He doesn’t benefit from it….He’s God. He has all He needs.

You benefit.

Not just on Christmas or during winter breaks.

But always.

Have a very Merry Christmas, Moms.